Inside Track: Soccer takes custody of the schemozzle

Micheál O Hehir had a word for it: schemozzle. “There’s a schemozzle in the square” he would tell us in his radio commentaries in the days before the television cameras began to turn up at the big matches.

Everyone listening in knew what the legendary man behind the mic was on about. They had heard it so often there was no need for explanation.

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The ball would land into the square from a free, sideline-kick or a 50, and there’d be a right scramble for it, the backs, usually six-footers, defending goals and their goalkeeper, who didn’t have to be a man mountain, but it helped if he was.

The forwards would have an eye for a goal, and though most of them would be giving weight and inches away, wouldn’t be short on bravery. If there was no shot on goal or a clearance, there’d be a lot of pulling and dragging, and maybe even worse.

This is when the legendary O Hehir would call on the word he almost single-handedly brought to the world.

And if it all ended with some of the protagonists getting the line, they’d be spared the ignominy – at least until the newspaper reports came out – of being named. That was Micheál’s style.

In the advent of televised games, viewers could see for themselves if there was any skulduggery going on around the goals. And there’d be no hiding place for anyone deemed responsible for it by the referee.

Is there any difference in a schemozzle and what’s now going on in soccer when there’s a corner to be taken?

Not really. In fact, it’s probably worse, because it can go on much longer than those mills around the square. Pulling, pushing, dragging, obstructing – anything goes.

 And what’s extraordinary, it all goes on in the referee’s gaze, and he does nothing about it. Maybe he’s not empowered by the authorities not to.

It was particularly bad in a recent Arsenal match. With his side defending a corner, Declan Rice could clearly be seen with both arms around an attacker, and they stayed there until the kick was taken. Rice wasn’t the only one at it.

There’s a solution to it. Bring in a rule – if one is actually needed – allowing referees to red-card the first to engage. Set down the marker before next season kicks off and see how it works.

One further Inside Track suggestion for Lancaster Gate to consider. Scrap the offside rule as it now stands, a player deemed to have offended even if it’s only his small finger that has crossed VAR’s line.

Have it that only if there’s daylight between the attacker and defender that the rule is invoked.

(Inside Track has to admit this is not an original idea.It was first suggested by Arsene Wenger a number of weeks back; but as it’s probable the bods in LG pay more attention to what IT has to say and not the former Arsenal manager, we’ll run with it.)

Just as it was those shenanigans in the Arsenal goals that evoked memories of the schemozzles, Roy Edwards’ celebration after his Wolves side scored the winner against Liverpool brought to mind Barry Fry’s sideline dash of a number of years back.

Fry, now 80, was one of the game’s great characters. When his playing days were over, he took to management, and when in charge of either Birmingham or Peterborough, took off down the sideline celebrating his side’s goal.

Lucky there was a structure to stop him, otherwise he might have ended up in Row 16.

Edwards wasn’t as exuberant at Molineaux, but still gave it rip. And who could blame him? His side had just brought off the season’s shock, his strugglers toppling the once great (?) ‘Pool.

Wolves remain bottom of the Premier table, but could we about see another Lazarus act? (See preview to Louth’s match with Derry.)