Sponsored by
My agony about looking like footballer Joey Barton
Dear Gary, I have been getting terrible stick lately because I look like a scumbag footballer. For the past few months, I have started growing my hair and now for some reason, people are now telling me I look like Joey Barton.
It is wrecking my life. People see me around town and they dodge me because they think I am just going to assault them. Girls won't talk to me anymore because they think I am a bad boy.
Worst thing is I play football and before every match, referees are pulling me aside telling me that they will be watching me very closely.
I am in no way a scumbag, but this hair style is just getting me into all sorts of bother.
I do not want to cut it as I am happy with it at the moment, I wanted to change from my previous spice boy look, so what will I do?
Ciaran, 18
Dear Ciaran, for once, I am a little bit scared to be insulting because I am afraid of what you will do to me if I do, now that you have been branded as Dundalk's newest 'bad boy'.
But what is this little titbit about being a spice boy? Good God, man, nobody ever refers to themselves as a spice boy. Fair enough other people calling you it, but calling yourself one is a bit too much, more like Spice Girl in your case.
I bet you used to use a tub of Byrlcreem on your big head before too many taunts made you go for the notorious 'Joey' look? Well if that is the case, then indeed you are a bit of a girl as a little bit of slagging had you throwing your toys and your precious Brylcreem out of the pram.
Thinking of this dilemma, it does post some problems. I mean from your self-confession, you are a bit of a fragile character. So when people now think that you are a hard man they are going to challenge you and that will lead to all sorts of problems.
I think what you should do Joey, I mean Ciaran is sit in your room, listen to your favourite Madonna or Spice Girls CD, get your Brylcreem out and end this horrid nightmare for yourself. Other than that, you can be a man about it and throttle anyone that slags you about looking like Joey Barton.
I mean if you look like him and people are saying you are him, you may as well act like him. Could be worse, you could look like Iain Dowie or Dirk Kuyt.
Perhaps when I am holidays, you being Dundalk's newest 'bad boy' could fill in for me as Life Doctor, you could be my Life Apprentice. After one week of your antics, people would be yearning for my sensitive approach to things.
Email to a friend
Print this page
Looking for...
Featured advertisers
Jobs
Search for a job
Weather for Dundalk
Thursday 17 May 2012
Today
Heavy showers
Temperature: 7 C to 11 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: South east
Tomorrow
Light rain
Temperature: 7 C to 11 C
Wind Speed: 16 mph
Wind direction: North east
